With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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