Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Drunk is a universal language darling
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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