I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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