Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
