Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
