he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
