he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
