I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
