so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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