i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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