omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
