my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
