I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
