I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we made out on top of his cat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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