i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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