I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
