I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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