We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
