Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
