Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
