so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize