"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
