I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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