I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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