just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
