she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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