dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
