marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
