i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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