I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
