she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
