I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
