Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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