I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
