Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
