dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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