Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
