you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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