From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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