Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
