good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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