i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
