I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
