You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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