This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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