what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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