Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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