Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
