you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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