What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
