Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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