If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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