i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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