i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
