if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
