we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
