I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
