The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
