I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
