i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
