why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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