I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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