Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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