I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
