i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
