So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
