glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
