Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
