i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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