he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
