Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize