my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ugly people sure do ruin things
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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